by Grace Sidberry |
At the start of a new year many couples have great hopes and dreams for things they want to accomplish. Frequently they set goals and make resolutions that simply do not materialize. Here are three essential steps to get you on track as a couple in the New Year.
Create Attainable Goals
Setting goals and making plans are important steps towards accomplishing your hopes and dreams. Too often couples set such lofty goals that before long they lose momentum and interest and their intentions and efforts quickly fade away.
Set small goals and take small steps as you work to accomplish your dreams. Instead of saying, “We are going to pay off all our credit cards”, it may be better to start small. Instead you may be more effective if you promise yourself, “Every pay period we are going to pay down on each card until they are all eventually paid off”. Also it would be helpful to make the decision to curb spending so that new debt does not accumulate.
Teamwork Makes The Dream Work
Afteryou and your partner have established your goals, you will need to work together as teammates to accomplish them. It’s a good idea to periodically discuss how well you are progressing towards your goals. This gives you an opportunity to determine what is working well and what you may need to change.
As you work towards your goals, you and your partner will likely have moments of disagreement. Bear in mind, your team is stronger when you make an effort to hear and respect each other’s perspective. A healthy dose of patience and consideration is important. You will also need to effectively manage your emotions during moments of frustration.
Protect Your Goals from Dream Stealers
In order to stay on track towards your dreams and your goals, you will need to avoid falling into the rut of past disappointments. Every couple experiences failures and struggles at some point in the relationship. If you’re not careful those failures will impede your progress towards your goals if you allow them to.
As you reflect on past failures, you may begin to doubt that you can attain your present goals. This concern is understandable. Accept it for what it is, your mind trying to protect you from future disappointment. However keep striving anyway. You are much more likely to arrive at your goal if you just keep moving, even if progress is slower than you want it to be.
Stoke the fire of motivation by keeping your focus on what you are trying to accomplish. Encourage each other and celebrate the accomplishments that you have made so far. Don’t allow any missteps to bog you down, instead view them as an opportunity to adjust what you are doing and keep moving forwards.
by Grace Sidberry
I was just listening to an interview with Brene Brown, the social researcher who studies shame. She was speaking about the benefit of living wholeheartedly. This means having a willingness to be vulnerable, take risks and actively embrace life fully. Brene made me think about how powerful it is to LOVE wholeheartedly. To do so also involves taking risks and actively embracing all the ups and downs, the struggles and the beautiful times that that are part of being in a committed love relationship.
Dare To Love Wholeheartedly By Being Your Best
When you love wholeheartedly you make the commitment to be the best partner you can be. This includes those times when you are upset with each other. Loving wholeheartedly by being your best means not giving each other the silent treatment. It means taking time to cool down. It also means you try talking through your problems.
Loving wholeheartedly by being your best means practicing forgiveness and choosing not to hold grudges. Although you may find yourself thinking about old arguments and times in the past when your partner has hurt you. You release those memories, realizing that it doesn’t help to keep bringing up those old hurts each time you have a disagreement.
Dare To Love Wholeheartedly And Face Your Fear
Loving wholeheartedly means that you are willing to face the feelings of fear that come with the uncertainty of not knowing how your relationship will unfold. If you’re like most people, you’ve been hurt by someone at some point in your life. Because of that experience, you may be reluctant to put yourself in a position where you could be hurt again. Loving wholeheartedly while facing your fear means that you accept the risk. You do so because you believe that the good that you experience will outweigh the negatives in your relationship.
Dare To Love Wholeheartedly And Get To Know Your Partner
Loving wholeheartedly means that you take the time and make the effort to really get to know your partner. Your relationship provides you with an opportunity for ongoing learning, growing and adapting to each other. No doubt it is frustrating at times when you feel that you just don’t understand your mate. Your willingness to work at trying to understand your mate’s perspective is hugely important in your relationship. Think about how you feel when someone takes the time to stop and listen objectively to your thoughts and feelings. It is especially gratifying when that person acknowledges and respects your rights to your perspective even if they don’t agree with you. That’s what you are trying to achieve with your partner.
Daring to love wholeheartedly means that you make it your priority to show up daily and to give your best to your relationship. It means that you don’t sweat the small stuff and that you are willing to accept the risk that comes with the journey of love. Your reward will be the feelings of fulfillment and security as you love, respect and appreciate each other on a deep level.
by Grace Sidberry |
Put yourself in the driver’s seat and express gratitude. When you do, you will positively influence your emotions and your love relationship.
Cultivate Gratitude and Change Yourself
In a 24-7 social media environment you can’t help but compare your life to people you are following. You might feel that you don’t measure up. It may be that you are unhappy with your looks – you think you aren’t attractive enough. Perhaps it’s the lifestyle that you crave and you wish that you could travel, have the nice car or house like the person you are following on social media. You may feel that you’re not where you thought you would or should be at this particular point in your life. These kinds of thoughts lead to feelings of disappointment, stress and depression.
If you want to positively influence your mood and how your life unfolds, cultivate gratitude. New York Times best selling author Janice Kaplan spent a year living gratefully. She documented how it changed her life and relationships for the better in her book, “The Gratitude Diaries”. There are simple ways to cultivate gratitude in your life.
Try this exercise. Each morning identify at least one thing that you’re grateful for. It need not be complicated, maybe you’re grateful for being able to get up, or maybe you are grateful for your job, even if it’s not the perfect job. Perhaps you are grateful for your family.
Identify the focus of your gratitude and write it down on a Gratitude List. You may prefer to keep a Gratitude Journal or you may want to make a note in the Memo section of your phone. Keep your list where you can review it periodically. When you do, you’ll re-experience the positive feeling that comes when you focus on the things you appreciate.
Cultivate Gratitude and Benefit Your Love Relationship
Experiencing and expressing gratitude also benefits your relationship. It’s important to express your gratitude to your partner. If you are like most people, you tend to focus on the things your partner says or does that annoy or upset you. You may find yourself focusing more on how your partner has failed to live up to your expectations, while you downplay the “little things” your partner does that you do appreciate.
Perhaps you rationalize that those “little things” are basic expectations in your relationship and you shouldn’t have to acknowledge them. However if your partner stopped doing the “little things” that you have come to expect and that you take for granted, you would definitely miss them. Instead make an effort to genuinely express your gratitude to your partner for some of the simple things that he or she does that make your life better. These include preparing a meal, doing laundry, grocery shopping, taking care of the bills, accompanying you to a family event, sharing in childcare responsibilities. You can express appreciation for the time and effort taken to do these things.
Experiencing and expressing gratitude benefits your relationship in two ways. Firstly, when you take time to look for and express appreciation for the things your partner does, it helps to create a positive shift in how you look at your partner and how you feel towards your partner. Secondly when you express gratitude to your partner, it changes how your mate responds to you. Your partner will feel emotionally closer to you. Your loved one will also be more inclined to continue making an effort to impress and please you.
Here is an experiment that will benefit your love relationship. It’s a gratitude letter that you will write secretly over the course of a week and give to your partner at the end of the week.
- Each day for one week, tell your partner one thing that you genuinely appreciate.
- Privately write down your expressed words in a letter, sharing details about why you appreciate that item.
- At the end of the week give the letter to your partner. Watch and see what happens, see how you feel and how it impacts your relationship.
It would be great to hear your story, feel free to come back and share in the comments below.
by Grace Sidberry
“I love my spouse, but I’m no longer in love anymore”? These are chilling words that often precede a downward spiral of emotional disconnection, separation and divorce. Alongside are the emotional consequences of disillusionment, anger, heartbreak and broken lives. (more…)
by Christina Sidberry
I’m going out on a limb to say that everyone at one point in their lives had some idealization of what they one day hoped their relationship would be, whether they are currently in a committed relationship or not.
The truth of the matter is that several of us find ourselves far from where we hoped to be. Whether this is a good or a bad thing, it is important to understand where we are, how we got there and how to move forward.
Self-Reflection
As we grow and develop our dreams change, but the core of our goals will still remain true. Maybe when you were younger you had an idealistic dream of finding someone who “loved YOU for YOU”. Lo and behold, you find yourself with a friend—with-benefits who forgot about the “friends” part. Maybe you are single and happy at a time everyone thought you would have been married with kids. Wherever you are, realizing how you have changed is a crucial part of the growth process.
Healthy Objectives
Despite what you want in life—one goal should be true for anybody: find someone who treats you with respect. In a world that celebrates generational themes of “Netflix and chil” or “#wastehistime2016”, this idea of honoring another person as a fellow human being has somehow become so far removed from reality.
What are healthy goals that you can set today to guarantee relational success in your future?
Keep Setting Goals
Single, taken, or married—as we grow in our lives and as we reach certain milestones, it is important to reevaluate and set new goals. Have you found someone that respects you? How do you make sure both of you are respecting each other daily? How do you expect to grow together? Stay tuned for more blogs about goal-setting and personal growth!
by Grace Sidberry |
This is the time of year that many people anticipate. For many it is a time of faith and traditions, a time to celebrate the promise of peace. For others it is a time of frenzied activity as they struggle to meet the demands of holiday preparations. The familiar customs of gift giving, feasting and spending time with family are a major part of this holiday season. However the festive scenes displayed on greeting cards and in busy shopping malls do not always represent what happens behind the closed doors of many homes. (more…)
