Three Tips to Inspire Positive Change in Your Mate
Too many promising love relationships end in ruins. Many couples in committed, viable relationships give up because of feelings of frustration and hopelessness that their relationship can be improved. They fail to realize that they have the power to influence positive change in their relationship.
Relationships are complicated, but generally speaking a viable relationship is one where partners share a desire for unity. A sense of respect and consideration and an absence of abuse also contribute to relationship viability. If you are unsure about whether yours is a viable relationship, it would be a helpful to consult with a licensed professional to get an objective perspective of your situation.
If you and your mate do not have the most positive relationship, there are things that you can do to make it better. It is an undeniable fact that as much as you would like to, you cannot change your partner. The well-known maxim is that you can only change yourself. So this is where you will need to focus if you wish to influence a change in your mate.
Use The Power Of Visualization to Inspire Positive Change
Think of your love relationship as being a journey, you are heading towards a destination. What do you want most of all when you arrive at that destination? Think about the connection that you desire to have with your mate, what do you want it to look like? Think about your family life, what kind of family atmosphere are you wanting to create? This vision of what you desire needs to be clear in your mind.
Visualization works in two ways. First having a clear mental image helps to keep you motivated in those moments when you may find yourself considering giving up. A clear vision of your targeted destination as a couple helps to keep you on track when your mind becomes distracted by frustration or by thoughts that life would be easier if you were single. Sometimes when you are experiencing a challenging phase of your relationship, it is helpful to make sure that how you respond is aligned with your goal. Focus on taking one step at a time as you move towards your goal.
We can understand the secondary benefit of visualization by looking at the world of athletics. Elite athletes prepare themselves for their events by using the power of visualization. They use visualization to help them get mentally and emotionally ready. They do so not just by imagining winning the trophy at the end of the event. They use their imagination to anticipate each stage of the race, or challenging plays that they may encounter on the football field or on the basketball court. They also imagine how they will respond in each situation. Actively imagining yourself as you interact with your partner can help you to prepare effectively for a conversation or an interaction. You will find it beneficial to practice how you would respond if either you or your partner begins to get upset. Take a time out, go for a walk, take a few moments to simply breathe.
Influence Positive Change by Giving
It goes against our instinct to give and to do for someone when you are feeling that your needs are not being met. However this is a counter intuitive fact that goes a long way to encourage your mate to give in return. You may have heard of the concept of the emotional bank account. You and your mate each have an emotional bank account. Each of you has the power to make deposits and also to make withdrawals. As is the case with any bank account, when you maximize your deposits and minimize your withdrawals, you have a more stable account and you also feel more secure.
In order to inspire positive change, choose to make deposits in your partner’s emotional bank account. Commit random acts of loving-kindness. Here are some ideas:
- Offer to do a chore that you know your partner would appreciate.
- Make arrangements for a baby-sitter and take your mate on a date.
- On the way home pick up a small gift your partner would appreciate.
- Synchronize your schedules and make time to give your undivided attention to your mate. Allow your mate to choose how that time will be spent; perhaps it will be a conversation or maybe an intimate encounter.
Committing random acts of loving-kindness is important because when you give in a sincere and selfless manner, you are increasing the balance in your partner’s emotional bank account. In most cases, it will help to inspire your partner to return the favor.
Increase the Likelihood of Positive Change by Expressing Appreciation
This may seem like an obvious point, nevertheless it’s a point that is worthy of elaboration. Consider Kevin who is frequently annoyed because his wife, Jill fails to put away items after using them. After returning home one evening he noticed that Jill had cleaned up and neatly organized her home office. He could choose to say nothing about it, thinking that this is how she should always keep the room. However if he genuinely expresses admiration and appreciation for her efforts, she will be more inclined to repeat the behavior.
Reminding yourself of and appreciating your mate’s positive attributes will help you to exercise patience in moments of frustration. It also helps you to keep the right perspective so that you will pick your battles rather than allowing yourself to be annoyed by minor issues.
You have the power to increase the likelihood of positive change in your relationship by being intentional. Use the strategies of visualization, expressing appreciation and giving your love to your mate. Try these suggestions without telling your mate what you are doing and why. Watch and see what happens, then come back and leave a comment below about how things are going.